Sunday, December 7, 2003

I doubt anyone even reads this page anymore, so I can go ahead and speak my mind freely without anyone able to reply to me.

I'm shaking...only half because it's cold and I'm sick. I feel like I'm going to cry for the second time today. I'm tired and don't feel well on top of all this emotional shit and I can't relax (though God knows I've tried) because I've got all this shit due.

And all I want is peace of mind.

Yeah, that's not coming anytime soon. Not here. Sometimes I can't wait to graduate.

Why do I even think this shit up? I'm cursed with my mother's sense of questioning everything? Even things that are sometimes not even there?

And why am I questioning how strong some of my friendships really are, when I haven't before and they're some of the closest friends I have?

Simple. Because communication is not there when it should be.

Sometimes I don't even know what's going through people's heads. Sometimes, even the little things, lead me to believe that something is wrong with me, that I'm being viewed as a small child that doesn't know any better, that the person looking at me is looking at me like I'm some kind of idiot, when I see them as a best friend?

Do I really need to be told that there's nothing to worry about? That it's all in my head?

Yes. Because until someone does, I'm going to think it. And living with it day in and day out is maddening.

So I go to bed and try and sleep it off, knowing that the morning, or afternoon, won't bring the solace that I'm craving.

No, there's still school to worry about.

Sometimes I just wanna say 'fuck it'.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Tonight was a pretty good night. Got a project done and did it right.

Doesn't he kick ass?

Went to see a concert and this one was GOOD. Band called Kill Hannah. I'd heard of them and I'd heard a couple of their songs, but they really were good. I met up with some friends from the campus radio station and we all hung out during the show.

Nightly revelation 1: I'm older than most of the radio staff. ^_^ Which made it fun when this one guy and I sat there drinking with the other guys watching.

Yes, I'm trying to get a DJ spot at the campus station. Yes, I love music. Yes, going to see bands and talking with people is fun. No, I am not a groupie. I like these guys as a group, yeah, and one of the guitairists was a really fun guy to talk to (these guys sell their own merch and I bought a CD). Somehow I ended up with a signed CD cover and a picture with said guy. Said guy has really spikey hair.

Will not show pic of me, nu-uh, but here is this.

Nightly revelation 2: Found out what the news director for the campus station spikes his hair with. I told him he'd be lucky if he didn't wake up one morning bald. Dude has to wash his hair with baking soda to dissolve this stuff if that gives you any idea. ^_^ It looks good though.

Anyway, what I was saying about the band before...They're good as a musical group, but what they do on their own time they can keep to themselves. ^^; I think I'll stay away from that one. But I highly reccommend their CD. It's their first, and they've gaurenteed that their cd won't be sold for more than $11.99. They've also got a pretty good deal on their website if you like these guys.

Nightly Revelation 3: Guys are sad sometimes.

Seriously. There was a couple of drunk girls there. No doubt they were lesbian. Now, that doesn't bother me. But when you can tell a person is drunk and they're just...flaunting themselves and looking like a slut where other people are, that's when I start getting grossed out. That goes for anyone for that matter. It's just a pathetic sight. Seriously, said girl looked like she was doing a floor show in a porn movie on the floor of the venue. *shakes head* Then procedes to 'dance' into the stage lights, almost knocking them over. The effects of cheap alcohol ladies and gents. I feel bad for her parents.

-_-; And yet, I had to keep my digital camera away from the guys. No means no dammnit.

So, all in all, a good night. It was funny, good tunes, and destressing. I'm no longer snappish at people and I feel I can start back on concentrating on the stuff that I have to do now, which is a lot.

Nightly revelation 4: I have no way of getting the pictures that I did take to the station...hmm...I'll think of something.

That's it! Good night!

Thursday, October 30, 2003

*yawns* I'm tired.

Really tired. Of a bunch of stuff. I'm cravin that break time again, though not as much as I was before fall break. I got my fix.

I really don't like my bed here. At home I was able to sleep and get up at a reasonable hour and not be tired. Here I sleep for a long period of time, have to set two alarms to ensure that I'll get up, and I still take naps.

Funky? Yeah, I think so too.

I kinda feel like burying myself in photoshop. I just want to do something, but I don't know what. Just to be busy. *shrugs* Don't know why, I just do. Maybe it's too much free time...or fear of Nanomango sucking me creatively dry.

Gotta let Halo borrow the tablet again to finish up the project she's working on.

I'm in the process of brush searching for photoshop. I want some neat brushes.

Need to work tomorrow on nanomango too...story has a glitch in it and I'm still not ready. Looks like we may get a major alteration in the plot before saturday...

Ooh! Xiaolin Showdown comes on this Saturday!

^_^ And JLC on thursday, and halloween with friends on friday. Fuuuuuuuuun.

Friday, October 24, 2003

Pitas, you can KMA.

On a lighter note, Happy 21st to my dear friend whom I've known since 1st grade. ^_^ Have a good one and I'll buy you a beer at Christmas.

And now....I FLY!

Friday, October 15, 2003

I don't think I've been this happy in a while.

I turned 21 today and it was a blast. I talked to my mom on the phone this morning, kicked my midterm's ass, and got the comic colored (too bad keenspace sucks and I had to go before I could fight with it to get it uploaded).

I was looking forward to dinner. We had reservations at a restaurant and bar a ways away from campus and a whole bunch of friends of mine were going. Did I mention it was my other roomate and friend's birthdays too? *nods*

Anyway, we're sitting at the restaurant and laughing and chatting and we get our first round of drinks and I bend over, only to hear people call my name. I look up, and I see my entire family walking towards our table. They had driven two hours from home to come and eat at the same restaurant as us and say hi to me on my birthday.

And I greeted them with a blink and an "oh shit!".

^_^ I still can't believe they did that. It was so great to see them on my birthday and it made it all the more better. It meant so much to have them there. ^_^ Not to mention mom brought me pants!

And oh my god, my sister kicks ass. She gave me a white feather boa so, to quote I "can now party" and a customized little cooler with my name on it....full of beer and two little bottles of wine.

^_^ And did I mention she's 18? Lol, my sister is now elevated to kick ass status within our group (she also made my cake and put little beer can candles on it).

Overall, my family is great. The whole night I got compliments on how awesome and thoughtful my family is, and I'm really beginning to appreciate how much they love me. I mean, my dad drove back from a business trip today, to spend a few minutes at home before getting back in the car and driving another two hours up here.

So when people ask if I've had a good birthday, I have to say yes. Good friends, good food, good drinks, and family, what else could you ask for?

A giant assed chinese takeout box that my roomate made for me. ^_^_^ Thank you to everyone! I love you!

Thursday, September 4, 2003

Wow, I'm actually blogging. I know, s'been a while, hasn't it?

Well, there are some reasons for that. One, school's started, so amidst the unpacking, getting classes and schedules and books situated, getting things that I forgot and needed to buy, assuring Snicks that she wasn't gonna die in her Japanese class and making sure that her transition goes well, and catching up with friends, profs, and my family has left me little time to blog.

Feel special that I'm staying off my homework in order to get my thoughts straightened out.

I guess I'm doing well for myself. Me, Halo, and our third roomate are working together pretty good in such a small space and it looks like it's going to work out with the newbie.

I'm turning 21 this October. I know...I'm gettin older. ^_^ But I don't want to make myself miserable again like before, so I refuse to go off on that tangent.

Had some rough patches at the beginning with not being able to find a job and some other things that came up, but the whole of the summer was a good one.

I'm not really sure what else I'm gonna say, so I'll leave it at that, finish watching Will&Grace and get my homework done.

Will blog again soon!

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Things to do on Monday:
Take Jake and Luna to the vet.
Call Dentist and make appt.
Make appt with L'eau d'Vie.
Call Patrick to find out web shit so rents'll get off back.

^_^ Need to clean room too. Gotta find anime so I can sit down with Lucas to swap.

Working on a nice long rant to Christen the new layout!

Friday, July 11, 2003

Yay! New layout! And Exie is too tired to say anything else, other than WE GOT A PUPPY! *dance!*